Thejas Krishnan

Sunday, November 30, 2014

The Epic Morality!

Now this is something that I wanted to write for a long time. I even wrote small piece concerning kiss of love controversy. But the "Dark Scene" of morality and social policing needs a more profound analysis. Lets examine the solutions put forth by main advocates of this unscrupulous policing.



The Major oppressors of the development of cultural modernization argued that these hooliganism are against our values and we should learn from our  religious epics on how to conduct a proper life.
The Sangh even suggested that modern Indian women should idolize the heroines of Mahabharata.
Now from the very little that I know about this multi-volumed brobdingnagian epic, I was pretty sure that I'll be able to dig up a few drastic contrasting cases from the internet. But actually, it seems the entire women in this epic are not even close to social boundaries put forth by the current society. That is, if Matsyaganda, Ambika or Satyavati were alive during this era, they would be unconditionally downright ostracized. Now, you might need a little reference here, So lets see a few of the inside stories of Mahabharata(Disclaimer: All the information depicted here is gathered from the internet and is not derived from my own understanding of these religious text In case of factual inconsistencies kindly curse those fraudulent websites Reader discretion advised):







 A Hero is born: 


Without pre-marital and extra-marital sex, which our belovedleaders blame as the main cause of our problems, they would not have had their heroes like Veda Vyasa , and the sons that he bred through adulterous relationships (Dhritarashtra, Pandu and Vidura), and his grandsons (the five Pandavas). Let takefor instance to the story of the birth of Veda Vyasa:


 One day the great sage Parashara, in the course of his pilgrimage, arrived on the shores of the Yamuna river and saw an extraordinarily beautiful woman , and  he was affected by the excruciating desire of making love to her. The woman happened to be Matsyagandha ( meaning ‘smelling of fish’, as she was the adopted daughter of a fisherman family), who used to ferry passengers in her boat across the river.

When Parashara approached her with his desire, she expressed her inability to immediately satisfy him, drawing his attention to the large number of rishis (sages) waiting on both banks of the river for her to carry them across. Parashara immediately created a fog that immersed the area in darkness—so that the rishis could not see what he planned to do[smooth :)]. Although impressed by Par­ashara’s little magic trick, Matsyagandha pleaded: “But I shall lose my virginity if I satisfy your desire. How can I then go back to my home, and live in society?”
Parashara said: “If you satisfy me, I shall give you whatever you pray for...and res­tore your virginity.”
 Matsyagandha prayed: “Please let my body exude a sweet smell.”
 Having been granted that req­uest, she agreed to sleep with Parashara—and in due course, gave birth to a son who came to be known as Krishna Dwaipayana (meaning dark-skinned and born on an isl­and). Vyasa left home to be an ascetic, but reassured his mot­her that he would come back to her whenever she needed him.





                                            <______Fast_Forwarding_Years______>

Sometime later, his mother (now known as Satyavati, her body “sweet-scented” and her “virginity restored”—thanks to Parashar’s blessings) got married to a king called Shantanu. Through him, she gave birth to two sons—Chitrangad and Vichitravirya. After Shantanu’s death, Chitrangad was killed in a battle, and Vichitravirya ascended the throne.


He married two sisters—Ambika and Ambalika (both daughters of a king). Vichitravirya failed to produce any children, even “after spending seven years with the two queens in continuous vihar (amorous frolic), (following which) he fell victim to tuberculosis in his youth,” and died despite sincere efforts by his friends and doctors.


The problem started now. How were the two childless queens expected to carry on the dynasty? Their mother-in-law Satyavati first requested her stepson Bhishma (her late husband Shantanu’s son by his first marriage) to impregnate the two young widows[I cant believe Aloknath allowed this!!So not sanskari!] When he refused, she summoned her own first son Vyasa (who had promised to help her whenever she needed his help)—who was willing to solve the problem.







But Vyasa, having followed a rather earthy lifestyle in the forests all these years as an ascetic, looked quite hideous and repelling to the two dainty queens. After being persuaded by Satyavati, her eldest daughter-in-law Ambika agreed to welcome Vyasa to her bed. But then seeing his ferocious countenance from close quarters—dark skin, blood-red eyes and matted hair—she closed her eyes in fear. After completing his required role, Vyasa told his mother Satyavati that although a son would be born endowed with superhuman mental and physical powers, he would be born blind—because Ambika had committed the error of closing her eyes during his conception. That was why Ambika gave birth to the blind Dhritarashtra.





 In order to correct the effects of the error, Satyavati sought another grandchild in the family who would be perfect this time. She recalled her son Vyasa again, to impregnate the second daughter-in-law Ambalika But Ambalika again, at one glance at Vyasa’s fearful visage, turned pale—and thus gave birth to Pandu (coloured yellow).



 Disappointed by getting another imperfect (discoloured) grandson, Satyavati summoned her son Vyasa to again impregnate her first daughter-in-law Ambika[Strike 2]. This time, however, Ambika subverted Satyavati’s plans. Refusing to suffer the unwelcome “sight and smells” of the jungle-bred Vyasa, Ambika cheated him by dressing up one of her beautiful slave girls[pretty sure this prostitution and is illegal in all of the countries] in her own ornaments and sending her to him. Unlike the two queens, this woman, who suffered from no scruples, made love to Vyasa with all abandon, and a happy Vyasa blessed her with the words: “You are henceforth free from slavery, and your son will become extraordinarily wise and extremely pious.” Thus was born Vidura, the most perfect and intelligent of all the three brothers . Now that is a good bed-time story.



Birth of the Pandavas


The legacy of pre-marital sex, and the practice of producing children through the extra-marital recourse (of requesting or appointing another male to impregnate the wife or widow), known as ‘kshetraja’, continued even after the birth (through such means) of the ancestors of the dynasty that Mahabharata celebrates. It was only thanks to the custom of ‘kshetraja’ that all the later Pandava heroes were born—Yudhishthira, Bhima, Arjuna and the other two inconspicuous brothers (Nakula and Sahadeva).

 Let us begin with the story of their mother Kunti. The Mahabharata describes how Kunti, the virgin daughter of a king, satisfied the sage Durvasa when he came to their house as a guest, and obtained from him a blessing that allowed her to summon any god who could impregnate her with their power to produce their respective sons. A young and impulsive Kunti, in order to test the veracity of the blessing, summoned the sun god, who immediately appeared and demanded satisfaction of his desire to sleep with her. Through a cunning combination of persuasion, threat and charm, the sun god seduced a reluctant and fearful Kunti, promising to restore her virginity, and then disappeared in the skies. But Kunti found herself left in the lurch, when she gave birth to a son born of the sun god.



Scared of facing social ostracism for her impetuous act, Kunti got rid of her first-born by throwing him into a river. Luckily, a family (belonging to the lower caste of charioteers) picked up the son and brought him up, enabling him to emerge as the powerful warrior Karna.


After having hidden that act of sexual indiscretion, Kunti reappeared on the scene as a princess, ready to choose her husband from among numerous royal candidates, through a custom called swayamvara. She tied the garland of flowers around the neck of Pandu, thus announcing her choice of him as her husband. They led a happy married life, till one day Pandu, during a hunting spree, interrupted the mating of a pair of deer by shooting at them with his arrows. The deer were actually a human couple. The husband, who was the son of a sage, had decided that day to take on the form of a stag and transform his wife into a deer, to savour the delights of animal sexuality perhaps![*Shocking* Isnt it?]


Angered by being stopped mid-way in his adventure, the sage’s son cursed Pandu, predicting that he would die if he ever tried to make love to his wife[Some dysfunction of sorts] . An anguished Pandu requested Kunti to conceive through other means[Cuckold,dont you think?] in response to which she made use of Parashara’s old blessing—and summoned, one by one, the gods Dharma, Vayu and Indra, sleeping with whom she gave birth respectively to Yudhishthira, Bhima and Arjuna.

Requested further by Pandu to help his other wife Madri to conceive, Kunti summoned the twin gods Ashwini Kumars[not to be confused with the former Minister of Law and Justice] , who impregnated Madri which led to the birth of the other two Pandavas—Nakula and Sahadeva.

The above accounts are from the first volume of the Mahabharata.What follows in the next 17 volumes of this fantastic epic is a cornucopia of romantic stories, secret intrigues and surreptitious love affairs (with which the main narrative of battles and wars are interspersed) that unfold a variety of sexual lifestyles and inter-caste/racial liaisons.


Now may be its all because I do not possess the mental prowess to understand the concealed truth behind these material stories.




But Ill say ONE thing for sure. IF the modern women started idolizing these epic heroines, The moral police will have a FULL time job, May be that's the way to fight unemployment!


(Acknowledgements to SUMANTA BANERJEE for his writings.)



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Thursday, November 27, 2014

The Wrist Watch Conundrum

We live in a world of anomalies. As time progress some objects loose their relevance due to advent of superior technology and the older objects quietly recede in to oblivion. Or so happens in most cases. 


Let me turn your attention to the curious case of wrist watches. I first started paying attention to this anomaly after Sir Ken Robinson mentioned this in a ted talk. Is there really a need for a wrist watch in today's socio-technological setup? It may seem like a pretty silly question but just think for a moment. Its a seeming bulky and usually expensive device that perform ONE function. It shows you the time. That's it. Best case, the date also. Two things is its USP. In a generation where people don't mind spending ₹60k just to upgrade their cellphones to get a quarter of an inch more or to get that new function that allows you to check your blood pressure while skydiving -_-, amazingly this wrist ornament never looses its relevance.







 As Mr. Robinson said," ...teenagers do not wear wrist watches, I don’t mean they can’t or they’re not allowed to, they just often choose not to. And the reason is you see, we were brought up in a pre-digital culture, those of us above 25 and so for us, if you want to tell the time you have to wear something. Kids now live in a world which is digitized and the time for them is everywhere so they see no need to do this (wear something – a watch). And you don’t need to do it either, it’s just that you’ve always done it and will carry on doing it. My daughter Kate who is 20 doesn’t wear a watch, she doesn't see the point. She says ‘it’s a single-function device, how lame is that?’… ". Now, you get my point? 








So what is the rationality that holds people to the glory of wrist watches? We have to conclude, it has nothing to do with function. Its more of a tradition. A social status issue. Its a "look I can afford a Rolex" indicator. Lets be frank here, the moment you see a Hublot , Ulysse Nardin or Bertling stamped on a guy's watch you are pretty sure his monthly income has more zeros than your Engineering mathematics answer sheet! He instantaneously becomes the alpha and you start day dreaming about what it would be to be like him, even though you just had seen him for a flash of a second. 








Next we have the fashion statement consumerists. People who are desperately trying to prove they are unique and not like those aam admis. Fastrack has targeted them quite brilliantly, coming out with watches which has sleazy taglines like "Size matters" and "Use Rubber" scribbled across the strap. There was a time when watches stood for suave and sophistication. Not anymore. 








But then again, People usually spend ridiculous money for things which are functionally moribund. The 10B-5H-2K homes that the NRIs built for TWO really old people living back home, astronomically priced Business class and first seats, for sitting five Rows in front and getting better food than normal people, there is no extant to which people wont go to show case their social flamboyance. 







Then there is jewelry. Lakhs and crores of dollars and rupees and pounds are pumped to buy necklaces and rings and bangles. They don't have WiFi Bluetooth or NFC, functionally Useless. But No indian wedding is complete without making the bride look like IRONMAN with gold accessories. Why we don't just support with Manju Warrier and buy low cost diamond chains. Everybody wins.





 And finally there are those people who put gold and diamonds on things that doesn't need gold and diamonds. Cars. Cell phones. Toilet seats. I have a tremendous ordeal with Vertu on this. Usually my rage could be explained as a result of my inherent jealousy, but not this time. Vertu literally takes a phone like Nokia 1100. Puts a little fevicol. Sprinkles a few gem stones and then sells the phone for 2lakhs. And all those people with a lot of money and absolutely no brains buys them (then of course people with a lot of money and very little brains stand in lines for 10 hours and buys apple phones, but that's globally acceptable.) 






 So in order to conclude this jibber-jabber gibberishness,the wrist watch isn't gonna face extinction in the near future. Period.
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Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Love Lost


Aaah. Love. What a wonderful little miracle! The most mis-interpreted and cheesily portrayed human instinct. Even though its manifestations differ based on which part of the world your from, the feeling is still the best one. Everyone wants to be loved.




 So the question remains why is the society is so hell-bent in castrating love and confining it within boundaries of social morality. But then what is social morality. I mean, if you walk around in a mini skirt in New york or Milan you are fashionable but if you do the same thing in Kochi or Lucknow, you are a slut(that is if you are a woman, if you are a man, its pretty inappropriate no matter where you are. :)). So in shaping love into rigid forms to cater to a particular vernacular, problem comes when the world starts melting and amalgamating. Views of the west east and center starts merging and a minor proportion of people start to think about "What ifs". At that same moment, people who are in inseparable love with the concept social inertia starts developing orthodox ideologies. 



But that is just universe's principle of duality, everything exists in pairs. So understandably with the advent of radicals and free thinkers, its only natural that conversationalists prop up like wild mushrooms in first rain. But to understand what happened in Kochi on the eve of 2nd of Nov 2014, this rationalization is not enough. We must take into account the political scenario also. First of all the title 'Chumbana Samaram' is pretty ridiculous. But keeping that aside,lets focus on the reason behind this grueling endeavor . The Kochi Kiss of love was not conducted for random people to kiss and quench their thirst for lust. It was meant as a statement against barbarianisms taking place in the name of moral policing. In a social setup where even a brother-sister duo have to think twice before leaving their home on a Saturday evening, this protest is in no way without a contemporary relevance. 



But what amused me the most is the way in which this issue was cross examined in newsroom discussions. All the people , both the organizers and the political parties focused their full attention on the public kissing aspect and the central ideology of moral policing became the secondary in many of the discussions. But the narrower-than-nano-tube viewpoints of many prominent youth leaders (and the ubiquitous crap sprayer, Rahul Eashwar) was broadcast to a global audience. Rape convicted politicians and convicted sexual abusers are screaming in the media, "This is against indian values. What about our culture.?" Probably the next protest should be against hypocrites. -_- 




 And the biggest argument of the people who are against this kiss protest is that "This is against our values". Really? People have been killing each other, destroying public and private property, burning cars and busses and causing all sorts of tyranny during harthals for the past half century. No one, not a single person said anything about social values. But kissing, that is the sign of apocalypse. -_- 



 It has nothing to do with morality or social sense. Its a game of political strategy. Everyone wants to be the shiny white knight who upholds indian culture. Even if it means incarcerating people within meaningless social boundaries . 

 So, in sau baath ki ek baath philosophy, this ain't no place for love. Love our culture and Spread the violence. Peace out(Literally).
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